Facetious Fesaurus

There's always something stupid somewhere... 

DICTIONARY/THESAURUS

Almota
  • a new library management system in the works
aspag
  • short for asparagus
boreditis
  • a serious condition in which the bored gland becomes inflamed
  • treatment: procrastination in your choice of style ; having a nap under your desk.

buckets
  • a must-have for any heritage-listed leaky library
  • synonyms: rain holders
  • antonyms: flooded floors

COF
  • creepy old face
  • synonyms: un-noncreepy old face
  • antonyms: creepy young face, creepy middle-aged face, non-creepy young face, non-creepy middle-aged face, non-creepy old face, creepy canine face

COM
  • creepy old man
  • synonyms: un-noncreepy old man
  • antonyms: creepy young man, creepy middle-aged man, creepy old woman, creepy middle-aged woman, creepy young woman, creepy feline, non-creepy feline

Compucow
  • describes a computer that is like, really old and makes mooing noises that remind you of a severely perturbed creature of the bovine variety
  • synonyms: crappy old laptops that take 20 minutes to start, giving you heaps more reading time in the morning
  • antonyms: computers that work!

com.org
  • pronounced "com dot org"
  • synonyms: stupidity
  • antonyms: geocities.com

dot.net
  • pronounced "dot dot net"
  • synonyms: stupidity
  • antonyms: geocities.com

earballs
  • I've...uh, forgotten
  • synonyms: organs that you hear with
  • antonyms: the air that flows around one's ear

effluent restraint problem
  • what happens when you foolishly let Outlook correct your spelling, so that your word changes to something relating more to base bodily functions, and then send out the email to ALL STAFF without proofreading first

frairy
  • fresh and airy! (after a window has been opened in a musty office space)

Froggy McFroggerson
  • a frog once found in the library's pot plant
  • synonyms: amphibius minimus
  • antonyms: amphibius absentius

improval?!
  • the art of improving stuff...while raising one eyebrow questioningly
  • synonyms: experimental upgrades
  • antonyms: wallowing in the status quo

internal water features
  • we didn't ask for 'em, but I guess they're kinda pretty...
  • synonyms: accidental science experiments
  • antonyms: a dry, mould-free library

jonly
  • just only
  • alternate spellings: jonely (for the more phonetically correct experience)
  • see also: slinks

Lake Gavin
  • what happens to an innocent library in a thunderstorm
  • synonyms: lack of a non-leaky roof
  • antonyms: architects who know what they're doing

mega-sliver
  • a really small piece of a really big cake
micro-working
  • the absolute minimum of work that can be done before it's seen as "not working"
mo-faux Monday
  • a day that is akin to Monday in a certain way, i.e. crap, or a Tuesday after a public holiday

move fro
  • see oscillate

move to
  • see oscillate

MyFace
  • it's a brave new world where library folk are merging Facebook and MySpace into something shiny and new
  • synonyms: MyFace.com
  • antonyms: social networking sites that exist
nippy neck
  • an affliction that results from those moments when the weather gets cold and you don't have a scarf!
nippy neck-less
  • in cold weather when you do have a scarf, you are what can be called "nippy neck-less"

old man lollies
  • the type of sweet that nobody likes to eat, but they do anyway because they're desperately in need of plastic sugar
  • synonyms: Price lollies
  • antonyms: your good health

org.com
  • pronounced "org dot com"
  • synonyms: stupidity
  • antonyms: geocities.com

oscillate
  • the act of rotating...err
  • synonyms: the act of moving to, then fro, then to again, then fro again, and repeating the aforementioned steps until toing and froing is halted by the flipping of a power switch on the implement that was originally toing and froing
  • antonyms: the act of not moving
  • referred from: move to; move fro

slinks
  • slow links
  • see also: jonly

St. Fumofo
  • the saint we pray to at the more annoying times of day.

stupidus maximus
  • the maximum amount of stupidity conceivable
sugar plum fairies
  • a very satisfying alternative to notorious four letter words that you can utter when you've just stuffed something up on the library system
Summotes
  • some of us have oats for breakfast, sometimes. but it's a whole lot more than that.
swug
  • past tense of swig when you can't be bothered using extra letters to write "swigged" - "I swug that coffee."
tawse
  • totes awse

thingo
  • e.g. "They'll be in the thingo room!" See also thingy
  • synonyms: thingy
  • antonyms: just sit there saying nothing

thingy
  • can't think of the actual word? Say "thingy" instead!
  • synonyms: thingo
  • antonyms: just sit there saying nothing

Thingy-Anne
  • if you can't remember your colleague's actual name, never fear! Thingy-Anne is here!
  • synonyms: whatsername; whatserface
  • antonyms: a person's actual name

Tnanagetnent
  • a tangerine on a tangent at Plantagenent 

VoVo Smores
  • don't forget the Ice Magic!!
  • synonyms: smores made out of VoVos
  • antonyms: neither smores nor VoVos

P.S. It's really just a dictionary.

Updated 8/12/2016

No comments:

Post a Comment